5.25.2004

Sigh :)

What a great weekend. I mean, apart from the weather, which sucked for a long weekend. I spent the most consecutive days with my daughter and her mother, to date. They came by my place on Thursday night, and then we headed up to my parents place for the whole long weekend. Really nice to reconnect with my parents, and see them on a whole different level of happiness(as proud grandparents). Really nice to bond and spend some quality adult time with Maire(Nisha's mother), watching movies, talking, sharing, getting to know each other better, playing cards(if you're interested, leave a comment and I'll tell you about this crazy game called "That Game"). And REALLY nice to bond with my daughter(playing, feeding, sleeping, changing) . She's 3 months old, but she has so much personality already, and I am SO in love, it's great.

I got to spend a lot of quality time with my daughter. I mean, as much "quality" time as you can spend with a person who is 3 months old. So much time is spent with feeding and cleaning and putting them to sleep. But there are a lot of play times and general interaction. When she smiles now I can see the gleam of recognition in her eyes and, well, I wouldn't trade that for the universe.

I really feel like I'm on the right path, for the first time in my life. I fit somewhere, finally. It's not a perfect fit, not yet, but that's no one's fault but my own; I still have a lot of adjusting to do, with my life, with my personality traits, with my behaviour. It's early days though, and I think we're getting there. I feel a lot of love and support, and I'm so thankful to everyone for that, it makes things so much easier. It makes up for the loneliness that I feel when they're not around.

I'm profoundly happy, and at peace, on very many levels. And simultaneously(and incongruently) i'm also scared; frustrated; lonely. It's a weird time and place for me, no doubt. It will pass though. I just have to make some good and positive choices...so, dear reader, wish me luck.

Now, you may have noticed I have a new site tracker, in the form of a counter. So, chime in on the comments and let me know who you are(and if you know your IP address, post that too). I'd be interested in knowing who's reading this, conversing with you, etc...I mean, this was never meant as something for the general public, persay, I've used it as a means for catharthis, and I let my close friends know about it so I wouldn't be bugging them to talk on the phone every 30 minutes. But I have nothing to hide, so you're welcome to it. However, as long as you're here, you might as well let me know you're here...no?

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