a little holiday cheer for you all

Cyanide and Happiness, a daily webcomic
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

#1. I hate christmas music
As previously discussed, I am not a fan of Christmas Music. And it's not so much the traditional carols, although I'm not a big fan of them either, but the newer tunes, a genre I am now dubbing "nu-xmas", songs that people record in the cynical hopes that it will become a "timeless holiday classic", leading to a pocket full of dough. And I think this weekend I discovered why I hate these songs so much. Because, you predominantly hear them at the mall.

#2. I hate the mall
Not a fan of the mall at most other times, it is a convenient place to get all the things you need to get. And in the summer, the constant A/C is a nice escape from the humidity of a downtown toronto heat wave. But during the Christmas Season, the mall becomes an intolerable nightmare. By the time you've finished your 3rd 15 minute line-up, even though you are buying one small item, you start to feel as if you are in purgatory. Your fellow shoppers all start to that same hollow-eyed, slump-shouldered look to them too, as if you all share the same knowledge that you are in a hell from which only back breaking toil and soul blunting irritation will offer you any reprieve. I used to be able to hit one entrance of the mall, and all my shopping was done by the time I hit the other end. 1 hour tops. I dind't have that many people on the list, and I was free to move quickly, like a Christmas Ninja, through the crowds. Certainly, being 6'4" and 250 pounds, crowds tend to make way for me when they see me coming qucikly. This is no longer possible with a family. My christmas list has doubled, and I also have to negotiate the crowds with a stroller, for which a surprising amount of people seem to have a blind spot. Or, perhaps an apathy.

Finally, after what seems an eternity, you muster the courage to escape the madness, out into the cold.

#3. I hate the cold
Yes, please point out to me again the irrationality of this, since I've lived in Canada my whole life. Hey, I love my country, I don't have to love my climate. The only plus is that I no longer live in Newmarket, and thus snow in downtown Toronto doesn't tend to be as prevalent as it does up north. Slush is another matter. I also have married a woman who has a deep love for the romance of the sight of falling snow, and loves to point it out: "Look honey, it's snowing!!" I think it's cute, and I love her, so I bite my tongue and say "Hey, how about that!", all the while wondering where this "greenhouse effect" is that I keep hearing about.

1 comment:

Kris said...

HA HA HA. Don't think your tongue biting has escaped my notice, but I appreciate you humoring me. It is romatic and beautiful, I love the first few snowfalls of the year. But I am also the one much more house-bound since I can only imagine that navigating anything with a stroller in the snow is going to be nothing short of a nightmare.