I can't do this anymore...

So, at last nights rehearsal, I told the guys that I am retiring from the music biz.

It has become an increasingly expensive hobby, and since I am currently looking at adding a lot more expense to my monthly bills (more rent, debt for new furniture, constant baby expenses), I have to focus on family.

Combine that with the fact that I have just stopped caring about the incredibly messed up music scene here in Toronto, and the world in general. I am obviously out of pace with whats going on, because the acts that get all the hype and attention, I usually find lacklustre and undeserving even of mention, let alone lionization. And it's becoming more and more of a problem. I'm starting to take it personally.

I love playing and writing music. I love playing with the guys in my band. They're some of the greatest guys I could call my friends, they're my brothers, and I count my years in +nurse as some of the best of my life, both entertainment wise, and artistically. In fact, I've been pretty lucky throughout my whole music career, surrounded and propped up by supremely talented individuals, starting way back in 1990. Shout out to past colleagues (at risk of offending someone I may have forgotten): Blair Hall, Andrew Montpool, Alex Dewinne, Alex Sloman, Dan Pollon, Joey Gareri, Martin Turner, Russell Soares, Steve Warren, Terry Warren, Bryan J Duffy, Mike Jack, Martin Crawford, Neil Parfitt, Pat Hagarty, James Pound, Jeff Eden @ Studio 8, Phil Crechiolo, Simon Poole, Dave Stemmler, Baron Evans. I salute you!

But my heart just isn't in it anymore. The pay off is starting to be outweighed by me getting more and more irritated by "the scene". And I've been playing music for exactly half my life now, so perhaps it's time to take a step back, say goodbye, give up the fight.
I'd rather leave the thing I love before I start to hate it.

Who knows, maybe it's a temporary thing. I can't see me putting down the guitar forever. But if I pick it up again, it won't be in the same capacity as a full fledged, playing-every-month band. And I'm ok with that.

The guys haven't told me whether or not they will soldier on without me. If they will, our Feb 24th gig at C'est What will be my last hurrah, and I hope you will come help me close things off. If they decide to pack it in as well, then we will book some big time, lets-get-all-our-old-friends-on-stage, farewell show. Stay tuned for info.

Bye Rock Music! But I just can't stay in this co-dependant relationship anymore!


mtm said...

this eats.

Jay said...

Wow. Tim, I want you to know I understand where you are coming from. I actually tried to hang it up myself soon after Campfire Conspiracy, the band I was in with Baron and Jeff Jones. Didn't play live for almost 2 years, eventually it called me back. But doing this stuff can cost a person a lot both emotional & financial, so I think I understand and empathize. Glad I'll have one last chance to hear you on the 24th.

All the best brother.

- J.

Ian C. said...

i don't know what else to say but: withdrawal is a bitch. get some scotch. grab your girl. lock yourself in a room and get ready for the shakes. if you can ride it out it gets clearer after a while.

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear about your decision.

I've come close to this many times before..but keep on going.

In time your hands will miss the guitar...i'm quite sure of it.

Regardless...best of luck in your endeavours.



Anonymous said...

It is a sad day. I have not had the opportunity to see you play live for the past 8 years but I always remember fondly all the past bands you have been in. I still play the collider CD! I wish you all the best with your new family as I know that will be just as rewarding if not more! Having a family seems to allow you to see clearly through the clouds and realise what is the best part of life. I also agree with everything you said about the music scene. I have always found myself at odds with the Toronto Scene and often asked myself why so many untalented bands were successful. I then thought it must be me and that I 'just don't get it' Once I moved to the UK I was happy to realise...no it is just Toronto that sucks ass in terms of loser wannabe A&R reps that are only failed musicians themselves who have no clue what talent or a good tune is. Rest assured you will still write, still sing and still play guitar because that is part of who you are. The only difference is you will be writing and singing for you and not what you hope is the next best thing. Who knows, that is usually when success happens.
All the best
Steve W

me said...

yeah dude, 'tis a shame. you rock like a motha! however, i completely understand. rock the fuck out for max and christie. living room concerts are no-stress.

Anonymous said...

Mr. Tim,

Keep the music alive - record at home! :)

Anonymous said...

It totally sucks that as musicians get better and better in this city that fewer and fewer people care. Tim, you'll always be a rock star in my books. Perhaps you'll find new creative expression that actually gives you the payback deserved in your family. We'll miss you around but I'm sure you'll visit rock land again (places are always so much more fun while on vacation).


Anonymous said...

All this scene crap is definitely a roach under the skin. Take time, find peace, and follow where it all leads you.

You'll always have a mic, a guitar, and a four-track for you at my place if you ever want to pull some of the music in your brain out and share it with the rest of us.

Peace bro,


Anonymous said...

you don't know me. I don't know you. I read about your retirment. I am also a musician who's been playing in bands for 14 years. I write songs as well. And yes, I retired last november from music, it is a scene that I believ has lost soul. Playing live is always fun and great, but I am very annoyed at the politics and nonsense musicians have to face now a days. Over my 14 years I ahve played live music and recorded amazing stuff with my music brothers, and yes I also experienced the expenses. So my unkonw music bro! I salute you!!!!

Ian Knight said...

This is a bittersweet moment. Sweet because you are choosing what is important (family, sanity, etc) over the elusive dream. Bitter because it hurts to step back from something you've really been into.

You can exit from the music, but the music will not exit from you. The music you were created to express will still find a way out of you... sooner or later your song will be sung.

In the meantime, don't stop writing poetry... songs in lyrical form... to challenge hypocrisy and instill hope in people who can't get the words together for themselves.

I'm proud of you.


Unknown said...

Hey there bro

It's great to see all these remarks up here however the one from your dad is perhaps the one that means the most. I feel for you and truly understand your choice - more than you can guess. All is well in the world - and all moves forward. I hear this news again and again from people in the community and each time it lands a blow. I know that these decisions do not come easily or quickly and salute you for your time on the inside.


Ian C. said...

dude: your dad is cool. my asked if i was finally going to sell my damned guitars when i told him i quit tae.

brokenengine said...

I gotta agree. I got all verklempt when I read his comment. He's always been cool though...

Anonymous said...


Sorry to hear that you are stopping the band thing. You are very talented (insert a bunch of complimentary mushy stuff here.) However, you are doing a very noble and mature thing- the right thing-- and that makes me realize what a fantastic husband and father you are. All these comments show how you and your music have influenced people- how many lives you have touched. Your Father is quite right to say "keep the music in you" and you can always record/ jam with Joey and Neil as well as a million other people as they have pointed out. Best of luck.

brokenengine said...

Aww, thanks Kyles. I'm glad you're coming back to Canada. We miss you.