10.07.2008

It's funny because it's oh god so true

From everydayshouldbesaturday.com

This week’s blogpoll is brought to you by hangovers. Kids, we’re gonna lecture you here for a second with a sad fact: drinking after thirty is not fun, and you know this is true because we began with “hey kids,” which is kind of condescending but fuck that THE HEAD IT HURTS AND TO HELL IF YOU DO–
Sorry. Apologies. It’s just…we’re so…emotional today. Because we’re hungover and 32.


Drinking before thirty is a grand adventure, filled with surprises and intrigue. Who’s that guy drinking on my tab? Does he really need that eyepatch? Hey, you’re the only guy in a bar full of black dudes! (Who all have eyepatches.) You really boxed a kangaroo once? Yes, my pants did disappear quite a while ago. Say, is that a real ultralight? Sure, I can fly one.

Look! A place that serves eggs at four in the morning! (Repeat; rinse vomit out of hair; repeat.)

Sometimes, drinking still retains its halcyon glow, its moments of beauty. Anthony Bourdain has described that moment when you should be asleep, an undefined time between 11:00 p.m. and 1:00 a.m. when your work is done but you’re not, and you’re probably three drinks into the evening, and a song comes on and sets everything perfectly well on its axis. It’s still a wondrous moment.
This particularly evil egg sac of hangover around the eyes and forebrow right now? The lingering feeling of doom? This is not one of those wondrous moments. This is called a hangover you wouldn’t suffer before the age of 30, a Lucky Jim special from a shockingly small number of drinks that Kingsley Amis can only properly describe:

“He stood brooding by his bed…The light did him harm, but not as much as looking at things did; he resolved, having done it once, never to move his eyeballs again. A dusty thudding in his head made the scene before him beat like a pulse. His mouth had been used as a latrine by some small creature of the night, and then as its mausoleum. During the night, too, he’d somehow been on a cross-country run and then been expertly beaten up by secret police. He felt bad.”

To repeat: don’t drink after 30. It’s not a good idea and hurt will head it your. Secret police will be waiting for you in the morning, and you won’t like what they do to you.

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